It’s been exactly one year and one month since I’ve written anything on this blog. I left it to start a new blog for personal reasons but have decided to come back here where it all started.
Last year left me reeling and unable to write. Regrets, doubts and and self-condemnation took a hold of me causing me to sink near a level of depression. Even trying to write the words that I so desperately wanted to became impossible.
But here I am, on my birthday, one year and one month since the last blog post, putting down words and feeling right at home once again.
How many days I’ve spent contemplating what it is I want to do, what it is I’m supposed to be doing — who I am. And meanwhile the days continue to slip quietly into the next, a new week begins, and suddenly the page of the calendar gets flipped over to a new month.
What I’m discovering is that life keeps right on moving past me while I’m trying to decide what to do with mine.
While out with my youngest son last week, walking around our favorite bookstore, I shared how I used to be someone and I no longer know who I am or what I want in life, to which my son lovingly stops me and says, “You still are somebody.”
And yes, he is right — I am somebody.
As I enjoyed a day of birthday shopping and a massage yesterday, I decided that instead of trying to find myself somewhere else, maybe I just need to be thankful for the life I have right in front of me and enjoy this very moment for what it is — then perhaps I’ll discover that I’m exactly where I need to be. And if tomorrow takes me somewhere else, then I can go there — but for now, all I really have to decide is what I’ll do with this time I have been given today.
What will you do with the time that’s been given to you?