Lots of thoughts swirling around in this little brain of mine today, but just not feeling up to writing an all out post about any of it right now.
So in lieu of a post I’ve decided to add some links for your reading pleasure. Part of what prompted me to add these particular links was an influx of blog posts and discussions surrounding Christians and divorce last week. And the ensuing dialogs which followed were littered with many judgmental comments from other Christians.
Let’s just say, this is a topic which hits really close to home for me as one who is divorced and a Christian. And the judgement? Ah yes, the good ol’ judgmental comments — and looks — that basically let you know what a failure you are, especially in God’s eyes.
Where is the love folks? I mean, we are commanded to love not hate or judge one another. But if you want to judge how about condemning what is evil and wrong like say, abuse. Judge the abuser, call him/her out on their actions and behaviors, and stand up to what is truly unrighteous.
Interestingly, I heard not long ago that my ex felt he was basically run out of town claiming the church we had once attended alienated him and he had no choice but to move away. Hmmm — perhaps in the end some did stand up to him and call him out on his abuse of his family even though it didn’t happen before I chose to leave that church and find fellowship somewhere else. Or perhaps that is just another one of his made up stories so he can remain the victim in all that happened. But it does not matter.
What I would say to all those critical of Christians separating and [gasp] divorcing: do not judge, condemn, hate or badger the person trying to stand up to abuse — the victim of abuse — stand beside them. Don’t put the victim on the stand, place the burden of change and reconciliation, if possible, on the abuser.
Abuse is not a marriage issue. It is an individual problem. No amount of marriage counseling is going to change an abuser or anyone for that matter who may be caught up in addictions like alcohol or porn or destructive acts such as adultery. It is up to the person with addictions and living destructive life styles to repent and change; no amount of marriage counseling to improve the marriage and no amount of changing on the part of their spouse is going to help salvage a marriage which is dissolving because of the destruction of an unrepentant spouse.
And get this — listen now — each one of us has to take responsibility for our actions and behaviors within our marriages and unlike what you often hear, “it takes two to make a marriage work”, it often just takes the one who is being destructive/abusive to choose to acknowledge their problem and take action to change. And hopefully, by the time they do, if they ever do, there is a marriage to be salvaged.
Well, so much for not having much to say! Once I start typing it just all pours out! So there you have it, my few thoughts, but my huge rant!
Now that I’ve had my say, please take some time to browse the links below and let me know what you think.
Divorce is Sin…Says Who? (Edited to add this great post explaining why divorce is not a sin)