Promise me…

…that today, no matter what, you and I will focus on what is true and push aside the lies. Lies which sometimes come in the form of hushed whispers for only our ears or loud in-our-face words.

Today let’s focus on the fact that we are worthy, beautiful, brave, smart, courageous and loved. Let’s remember — we are not defined by those around us.

Promise me that you and I will focus on the truth which allows us to shut down those lies which immobilize us and drain the color from our lives.

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Sometimes I’m not very brave.

Many times I’m scared.

And much of the time I fear I’ve failed too many times to count.

 

Today is a hard day.

Just hard.

The ache in my heart resembles the overcast, gray, and dismal-looking day. There is nothing bright and sunshiny about it. The inner turmoil that has lived in my heart for years is rising to the top once again today.

I lived for years being told I was not smart enough, pretty enough, good enough — just not enough. If only I could have been better. Would it have really mattered? If only. There was never an end to the ‘if only” — I was never going to be enough. And would it truly have mattered anyway? Really?

Today I need to remember one thing — I was enough. I am enough. Today I need to know in my heart that it wasn’t about me. It was never about me. Never. But still, after twenty years those words are embedded deep inside, etched into the very depths of the soul making it hard to forget. And making it hard not to allow myself to be defined by those lies once told so loudly to my face.

The thing is — there are toxic people in this world who when given the chance suck the life out of others so as to try and build themselves up. But in the process, and in the end, they truly only achieve one thing — draining themselves of what could be a happy fulfilling life.

This is a hard day.

My heart is heavy, my world is filled with anger — I feel drained once again of life. And that makes me angry. The lies that were told and may be told again today — that makes me angry.

Angry at the fact that someone can be so toxic. And angry at myself for continuing to allow that toxicity to drain the life out of me.

So today I will work hard to focus on the truth of who I am and that my world does not need to be cast in grayness. I will choose to color my day with happiness and joy. Today I promise to focus on what I can control and let go of what I cannot. I will lay all of these things at the feet of Jesus and rest in Him.

Ephesians 3:14-19

And as I write these words the downpour of anger and the grayness of heartache slowly give way to peace and a brighter day.

May you find rest today from any and all lies which may be telling you that you’re not brave enough, courageous enough or smart enough. All of God’s works are wonderful. And you and me — we are His masterpieces — and we are…enough!

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Blessings!

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3 thoughts on “Promise me…

  1. Oh, Amy!

    This post broke my heart and spoke to me, all at the same time.

    I remember a wise counselor once asking me, “Joe, you do realize, don’t you, that there is absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent this divorce?” Then he followed my affirmative response with another question, “And you do realize, don’t you, that this had nothing to do with you? That no matter who Marie had married, it would have ended in divorce?”

    Those two questions were so freeing to me!

    Yes, they were things I already knew, deep down. But it was so affirming to hear them spoken out loud by an objective party!

    So, today, let me say to you that you, Amy, are God’s precious, beloved child. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are His beloved, and He is so very, very proud of you!

    Like

    1. Thank you for the kind, affirming words, Joe.
      You would think I’d be over things by now, but I guess 20 years in an abusive marriage left scars much deeper than I realized.
      I am in a good place in my life now and am forever grateful that the Lord set me free from what was.
      Yesterday was just a hard day and brought feelings back out that I haven’t felt for a while. I think the Lord is gently directing me towards sharing my story to give encouragement and hope to others in similar situations.
      So little by little I’m starting to write again…
      Blessings!

      Liked by 1 person

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