Yes, I know, I’ve been absent for quite a while. I hope to be back soon, but for today I am going to link up with Hurt By Love blog once again.
Cindy wrote this post which could have been taken from a page of my life story about staying far too long in an abusive marriage. She writes of why abuse victims don’t leave or wait so long to leave.
I often had people ask me this — why didn’t I just leave if it was so bad? I honestly didn’t have an answer or at least didn’t know how to articulate it. I’m not sure I even knew at the time. But what answer I did have always seemed to revolve around fear. I was afraid of trying to survive on my own with two children and fearful because of my ex threatening to take our boys from me if I ever dared leave him, but perhaps, mostly I was afraid of what others would think of me for leaving. Fear was my answer. Fear ruled my days and weeks which turned into months which eventually become two decades.
Now I believe the true reason I didn’t leave was because of this little ray of hope I clung to thinking that tomorrow would be different, be better.
A better tomorrow would come if only…
…I could change enough to be a better person.
…I could be kinder or more loving and respectful.
…I could be prettier and smarter.
Yet the tomorrow I hoped, prayed and desperately sought never came in that marriage because I could never be enough for a man who only saw the bad in me.
But one day he chose to leave and I chose to let him. And then I chose to follow God into a better tomorrow that He had waiting for me.
“In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” ~Psalm 118:5-6