The past couple weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride. I have mourned once-thought-of friendships moving out of my life, pondered the past years of my life and all that God has brought me into and out of, and been burdened with the ongoing thoughts of needing to find closure once in for all.
Whether from within myself or from the Lord, there has been a persistent, yet gentle nudge to do something…what I’m not sure. Something. Anything to help put closure to a story that has dictated most of my life. A story of abuse, divorce and a rebuilding of life.
My mind has been plagued for weeks now with nagging whispers, endless jumbled thoughts…write your story, tell what happened, share how God has worked in and through your life. Where do the thoughts come from, what is it truly about? My own need to be released from a past that still has a hold? A God-nudge to tell of the journey He and I shared? Or maybe only a defensive response to finally dispute lies which have caused heart-felt pain?
Some days I am just not so sure as to what the prompting is about, but the answer is the same it has always been…you just gotta put one foot in front of the other and move! Do something, anything. Years ago I read a few simple words from a book which made a great impact on me. Whenever I have come to a crossroads and am unsure of the direction to take those words from a book with a title long-forgotten become my GPS. Words so simple yet for me, so profound:
“God cannot come along side of us if we do not step out in some direction.”
And isn’t that really true? Are we not supposed to step out in faith and trust the Lord to lead our steps? We may not always be certain of the way to go, often using the excuse of waiting for a sign from God, but honestly, how can He walk with us if we are just standing still. When we are moving, doing something, anything, I believe is when God comes into step with us and becomes the light to our path and a lamp for our feet. (Ps 119:105) At certain times in our lives the Lord may show us very clearly the direction of our path and where He wants us. At other times, He may only shed enough light for us to see where we are to step next. God knows us. He never gives us more than we can handle and He lovingly shows us as much or as little as He knows we can handle at certain times in our lives. And honestly, when the path is not very well lit don’t we tend to depend more on Him to lead us?
So, I will continue to get up each morning and put one foot in front of the other, even when I’m not quite sure where life is taking me. And I will remember, the Lord leads even when I do not always see the whole path.