A little love for today…



Valentine’s Day isn’t always full of roses and candy, or love. I know it’s a difficult day for many and it was for me too, many years ago.

My days were often filled with thorns and very little love. I hated Valentine’s Day. I hated my life.

Today is different. Today I walk in love every day. Today I am grateful for how God has redeemed my life.

I’m also grateful to be able to share hope and encouragement for those still struggling. Without having walked the road I have, I would not be able to offer those things to others. It’s out of our hardships that we can be a witness to others of God’s grace, love, and redemption.


May today be filled with love, His love most of all!






Time to live…

June 11, 2009, excerpt from my journal:

“I told [him] tonight I filed for divorce…it is ending, finally. So many years that I can never have back in my life.

Life is too short…it’s time to live.

It’s what you wanted, wasn’t it Dad*? Only to live a little longer, to spend more time with Mom. How I wish you were here Daddy, you’d be proud of me.

As I was reading through my journals from years gone by, this entry stood out. My Dad hated how my boys and I were treated. My Mom has often said he wanted nothing more than to turn their motor home around as they headed home from a trip to see us. He wanted so much to go back for us. My father passed away in 2007 and he never got the chance to see where life would take me. And the thought of him wanting to rescue me and my boys, made me smile.

But there were few smiles, oh so many years ago. My old journal entries paint a picture of a young woman trying hard to believe she had the power to keep together a fractured marriage and praying fervently for her husband’s heart to be changed, while desperately trying to cling to hope or at least pretend there was any. Today, I look in the mirror and wonder where that young woman went, but am so grateful to see her older self smiling. .

I wish my Dad were here to know the wonderful man I call my husband today, he would have really liked him. And not just because they have a lot in common, but because of how this man loves me completely and selfishly — and puts a smile on my face.



May 14, 2009:

“Lord, my prayers have been the same for so many years, now Lord I pray that you help me to focus on you and you alone. Help me to…take one step at a time, each day, moving towards that which you would have me do. Keep me free of fear and worry as you lead me. I ask you to free me from all heartache and abuse that has been in my life for too many years. Give me peace, bring joy into my heart, allow me to love again and be love completely. Love me Lord.”

(This was written 3 months after my ex had walked out)


Yes, my Dad would be proud of me if he were here today. Oh, I know, he already was as we parents are of our children, but I believe he would have been extra proud that somewhere along the way I found the courage to say “no more!” and become free of what had been. He hadn’t had to come back for me, I had found my way out.

May 22, 2009:

“Lord, this is so hard. I feel so confused. The tears come so easily one moment, then there is anger the next. I am so angry, so very angry. I hate him for so many years of things, I hate myself for just being so stupid. I hate being alone, I hate that this is my decision. Lord, I don’t want to be so angry. I’m so tired, I’m so confused, I feel so crazy. I want to go away by myself, I want the confusion, hate and anger to end.”

Leaving an abusive marriage didn’t happen over night, it took two years to be exact, and through the waiting I struggled with emotions so overpowering at times it frightened me. I think after my ex left everything which had been bottled up for so long, never allowed to be felt, came rushing out, and I felt emotions with such intensity it was often surprising to me. Anger one minute, hot streaming tears the next, and then exhaustion. It was a roller coaster of emotions and to be honest, it was refreshing to feel again! At first I tried to stuff them down, but then realized that part of my healing, part of grieving, was to process the various emotions which need to be are a part of it. So I learned to embrace those feelings, process them and ask God for help walking through it.


March 11, 2010

“Yesterday was my 45th birthday. I’ve started seeing my counselor again…to [work] through my feelings and try to heal. And I made a discovery tonight…I finally came to see that it’s okay to not stay in this marriage. I finally allowed myself to believe that I will survive, I will be loved and I don’t have to live this way any longer. I truly see that now.”

(This was written one year after my ex walked out and it would still be another year before the divorce was final.)

It was time to live again or perhaps time to finally start living and stop being afraid. It took time, but I was slowly finding my way out of abuse and into abundant life.


May 24, 2010, excerpt from my first blog, Daily Wanderings:

“…I know in my heart it is time, and God is gently tugging at me, to trust. Trust Him with finishing the end of my story and allow Him to make my paths straight so that I may live life again, live it to the fullest, embracing each day as the gift that it is.”

And it was time to finally start living the life that God wanted for me.

life is short













One step at a time…

Have you ever felt overwhelmed? Perhaps the better question is — who hasn’t ever felt overwhelmed?

This morning, it took everything to open my eyelids to the new day as the alarm clock blared it’s too-loud wake-up call through the still-dark bedroom. Yet my mind was already going full steam with too many thoughts to make sense of before my first cup of coffee.

Last fall I decided to take a step towards becoming a health coach and after spending the last several months studying, I was thrilled to receive my certificate in the mail yesterday! It’s so exciting after so many years to be pursuing not only an old passion, but a new one as well and obtaining my health coach certification was just the beginning, and perhaps the easiest part. Now it’s time to put together a plan, but figuring out how and where to begin feels overwhelming, especially with ten million ideas swirling around in my mind with some doubts periodically creeping in there too. Where to begin…

One thing I’ve learned along my journey is this:  the only way to get somewhere is by placing one foot in front of the other.


“The Lord is near to all who call on him,
    to all who call on him in truth.

~Psalm 145:18


These overwhelming thoughts of not knowing how to get started, is a lot like how it was nine years when I knew it was time to step out and away from an abusive marriage. Oh, how hard that was. There were so many thoughts filling my mind, along with doubts, fear, and advice from those around me — it all left me so confused as to the right thing to do. And because of that, I stood frozen for too many years living with complacency and perhaps lies too, because it’s often easier to sweep the truth under the rug and pretend things aren’t so bad then to take a step out and begin to make a change. When I finally did decide to let go of that marriage it took all the strength I could muster to follow through and keep going. Yet I discovered that while the first step may truly be the hardest, and sometimes the second and third too, the more you keep moving, the easier it becomes to keep going. And it’s when we step out in faith that God comes alongside us to lead us where He wants us.

My devotion this morning reminded me that healing or growth begins when we take a step, just one step in some direction. And God’s help is always near and available to those who seek it, to those whose faith is radical and risk-taking — to those who step out in faith.

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So, today I will take one prayer-full step or maybe even two or three towards where I want to be and have faith that God will come alongside of me, directing my way, just as He has always done when I put my trust in Him.

“When arks are built, lives are saved. When soldiers march, Jerichos tumble. When staffs are raised, seas still open. When a lunch is shared, thousands are fed. And when a garment is touched — whether by the hand of an anemic woman in Galilee or by the prayers of a beggar in Bangladesh — Jesus stops. He stops and responds.”

~He Still Moves Stones devotion





My story (in a nutshell)


I made it and so can you. The Lord carried me through, even on days I didn’t feel His presence and even wondered aloud if He was still with me. You know how those doubts can creep in, especially when people remind you on a too-often basis how you are going the wrong direction and God is ashamed of you.

But the truth is, God never left me, I survived, I made it — the end.

Actually though, my story continues on, as does all of ours. And perhaps in a way, it is just beginning. The ending of another time of my life led to the beginning of this time in my life.

I survived. And it’s only the beginning!

“The Lord is close to everyone who prays to him, to all who truly pray to him.” ~Psalm 145:18




Broken roads…

Wow, what a crazy, busy start to the new year! While it’s all been good, there has been no time for writing like I’ve wanted to, so a quick post for today just to let you all know I’m still alive and kicking, as my Mom would say.

Back before Thanksgiving I started on a new venture in my life — health coaching, well training as a health coach with the intent to offer health coaching in this new year. I just finished my final exam last week and am taking a week to rejuvenate my brain cells, do some much needed deep cleaning around my neglected house, and do a little not-required reading just for fun. Then I’ll start making a plan for how to use my health coaching certificate and get back into my real passion of working with pregnant moms.


So for today, already four weeks into the new year, I’ll share a few thoughts which came to mind the past couple days.

The other day I shared this on Facebook:

Nine years ago when everything seemed to be falling apart, little did I know it was really all coming together.

The reason for this thought was because of something my husband shared with me that evening. A mutual friend of ours had said to him that there was no doubt God had brought him and I together, and he shared this while we were out with some friends, who both nodded in agreement.

When we got home that night, I kept thinking about what he had said our friend had shared with him, and it made me think that while things seemed to falling apart in my life all those years ago, and yes, it was falling apart all around me, little did I realize at the time it was really all coming together. God was doing an amazing work in restoring so many lost years to my life and making something beautiful out of the mess that lay at my feet.

Where I am today, this very day, is all because of what happened all those years ago.

I truly am not sorry for having walked the journey I did because it has brought me to the place I’m at today. And maybe it’s easy to say that now, nine years later, but I believe that everything we walk through in this life leads us to where we need to be and without some struggles and trials we may never get the chance to experience the beauty and blessings God has put in front of us.

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I would never wish for anyone to walk the road I have nor wish hardships upon anyone, but what I have found in my life is it’s often through those difficult journeys down broken roads that one day we find ourselves glancing in the rear view mirror only to realize how far away those problems are and see a beautiful future stretched out in front of us.

And my broken road, well it led me straight to the dear man who is my husband today. A man who has shown me what real love is all about and what a healthy marriage looks like. When I glance in the rear view mirror of my life, I see but a distance memory of hard times, heartache and abuse, and I can clearly see just how far I’ve come.


Ours is not a perfect life, but it’s our life. A life full of love and laughter, and a desire to want the best for each other and to do life together. I thank God daily for bringing me through those years to this very time, for just when I thought my life was falling apart — He was bringing everything together in His own way.

01 a broken road